Part 2

ALT.BABYLON.UK 5 START UP SEQUENCE

Jefferson\Houlding\Steevie: The third age of mankind was drawing to a close. We had just faced an attack by the Shadows - we should have lost - we didn't. The Babylon Project had been our last best hope for victory - it was about to collapse. The Centauri Republic is falling and Earth is becoming a military camp. We are stranded, no one cares - no one COULD care - where as we were the last hope, now WE need some hope. The year is 2267, the place: alt.babylon5.uk...

::Cue Music...::

NOBLE (VO)
Callum's Secret Diary, Supplemental. Yesterday I was told that rather astonishing fact that we could lay enough bagels around green sector to feed the station for a week. Unfortunately when we tried this the marathon training squad ran straight over them - we have decided to donate them to the Centauri War Fund... On a slightly HIGHER note I have got us brand new uniforms with sequins all over them at Gerran's request (NOTE:- Gerrans was Zaphod Beeblebrox last time...). I am told that they look VERY snazzy.
End secret diary entry.
Password: barbieandken
SAVE...

1. Callum's Quarters

He is talking with Suzziiwu

NOBLE
Anyword of Mr. Brack yet?

SUZZIIWU
He says "He was here to save your butts - next time, be grateful!"...

NOBLE
So ::examines Suzziiwu's cleavage and crotch:: How are you?

2. Noble's Office
::FX - Doorchime::

NOBLE
Enter

BATTY
Hello Captain. ::Flirts with the camera lots:: - Some bad news... We've lost one of our main cast members. Ian has gone off to university - we'll be lost without him... how do we explain it?

NOBLE
He's gone on holiday to Minbar!

BATTY
What? Like Steevie, John, Andrew, Jefferson and Kosh?

NOBLE
Kosh?

BATTY
Yes - apparently there was some bizarre clause in his contract forbiding more than one mysterious line per series - last time, we crossed the line!

NOBLE
Dammit. Let's nuke em!

BATTY
Who?

NOBLE
Who's been particularly annoying today?

BATTY
Mr. Brack!

NOBLE
No - he's vital to a later part of this storyline in which I get to bed Houlding three times! Dismissed...

::As Batty Walks Out::

BATTY
Maybe wounding him wasn't such a bad idea after all!!! ::Walks straight off set into a dressing room...::

VEJAR CUT!!! We'll edit that out later...

3. Room 103,
Some Hotel, Geneva, Earth

We hear groans from a male voice - it's Raven, although we can't see him because it is in the dark. Suddenly the lights turn on and his wife enters.

EXTRA 001
Eating chocolates again Raven - I might have known - come back to bed....

RAVEN
But my wife's next door!

EXTRA 001
Oh - it'll all work out at the court trial!

4. Psi Corps HQ, San Fransisco, Earth

Brack stands in the middle of a room with 15 psi cops standing around him...

ALBERTA BRACK
Did you find out what we wanted?

BRACK
Yes

ALFRED BRACK
And the result was?

BRACK
Yes - they DO know that we are planning to carry out further psi-ability enhancement tests which will enable us to create another Ironheart enabling the actor to get that contracted second appearance that he wanted!

ALEXANDRIA BRACK
And that we have all been given the same surname to confuse our enemies?

BRACK
Yes - except me... Our planned bombardment of spoilers WILL continue... the Mundanes will fall, the Psi Corps - will rule...

:: TENSE MUSIC (TM) ::

::Suddenly a huge, purple dinosaur bounds onto the screen::

BARNEY
I love you, you love me, I love all -

::Barney shrieks, grabs his head and falls to the floor::

BRICK AND BRACK
Go to hell you purple ::BEEPS::!

CH 4. GUY
OVER ALL MEANINGFUL DIALOGUE
The word that was edited will shortly appear on you screens in bright purple writing - for those of a squeamish nature, please close your eyes and for all of you under the age of 5, stick your head under a pillow because a dirty word is about to be displayed - parents, please exercise control over your child's viewing habits if you feel that this word is indicative of the science-fiction universe. Thank you. THREE, TWO, ONE, DISPLAYING NOW!

'Bastard'

THE END (FOR NOW!)

© 1998 Andrew Brack