alt.babylon5.uk Website

Part 3

ALT.BABYLON.UK 5 START UP SEQUENCE

Simon: It was begining of a new age in mankind's history books, the third one. Fourteen years after the Earth-Minbari war. alt.babylon5.uk had failed - we were in the middle of one of the most fierce wars that was tearing the universe to shreads - and they still came. The Babylon Project gave way to a new hope, the hope that the number of test threads would be dramatically reduced. The year: 2272, the name of the place is alt.babylon5.uk.

::Cue Music...::

1. The Starship Heart of Purple
Hutton has just spat out a glass of red tea...

HUTTON
That is DISGUSTING - And you LIKE this?

GERRANS
Shut up you semi-evolved simian - go climb a tree will you?

HUTTON
If you're going to be like that.

::Throws tea at Shaun but misses spilling it over the control panel, it starts to overload::

SCULLY
That CAN'T be good...

2. CGI - Ship spinning outta control...

3. Command Central

Gaurd #001
We're picking up something on sensors - it's a ship, but it's dangerously outta control... It's nothing like we've EVER seen before...

BATTY
Can we see it?

GUARD #001
Yes Maam - Enhancing...

::THE HEART OF PURPLE CAN BE SEEN::

GUARD #002
We're recieving a message...

BATTY
Play it...

MR. PRESIDENT
I'm Mr. President, an android with a genuine people personality - ghastly isn't it...

BATTY
Android - Security Guard Nameless, have we encountered this kind of lifeform before?

MR. PRESIDENT
LIFE! Don't talk to me about life....

BATTY
Send out some Starfuries - bring her in - but in possibly 'forget' to tell that damn machine to come aboard - he's TOO depressing and probably won't add to the plot anyway...

MR. PRESIDENT
PLOT! Don't talk to me about plots...

4. Z'Ha'Dum

Dave, Chaz, and Nudd are 'talking' to Mr. Jones...

NUDD
Greetings Mr. Jones - or would you prefer it if I called you Simon?

JONES
Mr. Jones will do just fine...

CHAZ
I suppose you want to hear our evil plans of how to seize the station now!

JONES
Whatever turns you on...

DAVE
We plan to use Mr. Noble to 'assist' us in destroying the station.

JONES
HOW?

CHAZ
If I TELL you now it will ruin the plot won't it - obviously we're gonna have to tell you ONCE he's on the station. Otherwise you'll probably escape and just cause lots of grief.

JONES
What will you do to me?

NUDD
Chaz and Dave are getting hungry - they fancy something light, frothy and tasty. Unfortunately we're going to have to go out to destroy a planet according to this script thus giving you time to escape by using the hacksaw which will be conviently left on this table to cut your bonds.

::They walk out::

JONES
Hey - you forgot to leave the hacksaw!

::Evil laughter can be heard and suddenly a video turns on::

POSH, SPORTY, GINGER, BABY, SCARY
Mama, I love you, Mama - I care

::Jones shrieks at the top of his voice, we zoom in through his throat and then we zoom out from Brack's Shirt to::

5. The Brig

Brack is lying down. MarkWCats walks in.

MARKWCATS
I am suprised to see you here.

BRACK
You realise that if there hadn't been budget cuts I'd still be sitting in that transport for Earth - Now you get a cushy job - I should be plotting a Telepath takeover at this moment in time...

MARKWCATS
Really. So, how's your daughter?

BRACK
Would it interest you to know Mr. MarkWCats that-

MARKWCATS
NO!!!

BRACK
The Corps is Mother, The Corps is Father and the Corps is about to adopt a new child...

MARKWCATS
What the HELL are you talking about?

BRACK
I would have thought that you would have known. Not everyone on this station is exactly what they appear - would it interest you to know Mr. MarkWCats that -

MARKWCATS

If I say yes now will you PROMISE never to say that catchphrase again?

BRACK
I might. The Narn have been 'developing' their telepathic powers. Last year a transport carrying twenty P10 telepaths heading for Earth was intercepted and captured, before the Hyperion could get there it was gone. We suspect that they 'stole' the telepathic gene from them. I'm here in a cameo role to attempt to stop them and to prove how horrible the Corps is...

MARKWCATS
I'll look into it.

BRACK
I'm sure you will - oh, and if the evidence points to a them TAKING captives I must ask that you let me speak to Ambassador Jefferson of the Narn Regime...

MARKWCATS
We'll see...

- FIN -

End of Part Three.

Ad Break...

The Wedding Renault Ad - We see some bells and then a Renault Laguna driving up towards the church.

RATATOSK
xSaBx!

xSaBx
BOB!

"Papa"
::He Nods And Says::: Go on...

::xSaBx and Ratatosk run out to the car, llololloy jumps on his hat::

llololloy
DAMMIT!"

"Having that influencial Narn round to dinner and you can't find your best cutlery? Well the Sirius Cybernetics Corporation (The First Against The Wall When The Reveloution Comes) have come up with a fool proof solution. We've developed self-intelligent cutlery who will assist you by laying down in the right places on the table... They also feature GENUINE PEOPLE PERSONALITY - Why not get a few why they're still in the shops - the name, Cutleclever..."

"Currently showing on Sky One: Star Trek, My Generation"

"This week get the brand new Shaun Gerrans collection - see him speak with Excentrica Gallumbits, the triple-breasted whore of Eroticon Six, and see his imfamous broadcast from his bath... This brand new collection only costs 69004 Altarian Dollars or 32 pence... Get it TODAY..."

OFF - That's the end of a slightly wierd part three. From now on when a character is dis-continued they won't be mentioned. Please comment on this...

NEXT EPISODE
i) We hear about what has happened to Simon Jones and we read about Callum's adventures...
ii) We Find out about Suzziwizi's adventures with Roderick P.A. Hunt...
iii) We finally find out a bit of history about the Narn homeworld and the Psi Cops...
iv) Andrew changes costume (woohoo) - into another all black costume but this time he has changed gloves from leather into leather substitute.
v) Jefferson gives his first speech.
vi) Kosh II predicts the future...